Living life wth father

Since mydad left me when I’m Severn years old and now I’m twenty five years ad its still hurt like yesterday’s even now I’m struggling a lot even my health I’m feeling lyk I’m having a big holl inside my heart even at note I’m not sleeping well each ad every month I’m going to doctor because of stress cuz I can’t stop thnkng abt him I need him just to be there for me and I know is not too much to ask I have a son ad I’m afraid that histry it will repeat his self ad grow without father ad I’m having heart problem ad asthma problems ad I’m scared really scared anyone PLC help me its killing me inside I have a lot of anger ad question that I don’t have their answer